page 96.

“…As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.” -Sarah Dessen, on The Truth about Forever

Winter got persuasive and he came up evocative. cheeks froze, one step two step turned into a little run, bell-ringing, notting hill. in the far corner of the shelf, looking for a paperback.

“Ah, Higashino?”

“Yeah!” she smiled at him who came from a tall grey building, who had his glasses on, who put on a smile everytime someone came close, who had his lovers lining in wait on the snowing pavement, who rushed to the cashier with a copy in each of his hands, who had his own way of wearing his padding, and made the furnace in front of her seems faint.

Pages turned into chapters and chapters turned into a book. she went to the same corner, looking for the same copy, reading them hasty, spying on every corner, half scared half excited, and after a long wait, winter was gone and so was he. summer stroke burnt and tough. she closed her eyes, longing. and it was surely too burnt for his leaving.

And all of her longing went to the ocean. she wanted to be a very large expanse of the sea. she hoped her blue somehow can soothe, not only the surface blue, but all of the streams blue with its effervescent foams that race thru the seaside which help him walk through, the seaside that will always take him to the sparks of ecstatic joy, the seaside that once witnessed a cold, cold dawn but his turned-out made it spring.

“Our dawn is hotter than the day”. it was unfair how the heat rested only on her. it was unfair how the thicken air seemed to tribute more of what she couldn’t pinpoint. it was unfair how she was the one who felt so suffocated. it was unfair how she read a lot of Higashino’s on her own. it was unfair how she wrote hundreds of words unsent. it was unfair how all of the flowers, the hallways, and the autumn trees made her fell harder then shed all of her yearning. it was unfair how she believed they could’ve been. it was unfair how he’s far from her reach. it was unfair how her story had no endless potentials.

It was unfair, but she will get by, and she will get through.

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